It's Not Always a Day at the Beach::Fashion Faux Pas on the Jersey Shore, Part III

Thanks for following along on this investigative crackdown of the fashion faux pas on the Jersey Shore! If you haven't seen Part I or Part II, you'll definitely want to check them out.

Now, without further adieu, prepare to be horrified and disgusted - and maybe embarrassed because you have either worn something similar in nature or are friends with an offender.

Much like the cast of Jersey Shore's attire, there is an obsession with too tight, scantily clad clothes - with some sort of attention grabbing verbiage on the backside!

3. Booty Don't

And just in case you didn't catch the wedgie caused by a thong on a mannequin (cause that's necessary), here's a close up.

You're welcome.

There's nothing beautiful about this backside, Bella.

A few things:
1) If it looks this bad on the mannequin, then it will only look worse on you. 
2) If you really were "royalty," you'd be dethroned AND
3) On the contrary, this does not make your rear look smaller - it makes it look wider. 

With the exception of a night full of peer pressure & poor judgment at my high school graduation's all night "Project Graduation," where some strange man for hire spray painted "Gina" and a megaphone on the backside of a pair of shorts, I have never willingly purchased any piece of clothing that would inevitably draw one's eye to the very part of my body that I'd like to hide!

4. A "Frayed" of Disaster

That's right, honey. Hide your face behind that hat. Don't show it in public with those pants on.

Why this outfit doesn't work:
               Because you paid for a full pair of pants and got half a pair of pants. Also, because it looks like Freddy Krueger crawled through your closet. And because if he didn't stop shredding up the thigh, more than just your leg would be hanging out. There is no possible place on earth that is an appropriate setting for these pants unless you just got released from cell block C. Ok, I'm done.

I'll give you some real reasons now:
               Wearing a pair of jeans like this means that you want to send a certain message. Unfortunately, people will receive the message that you want to give a part of yourself away easier than you should. This look also is cheap. Yeah, I said it. Even though there isn't much actual jean material left, the acid washing at the top is a dated style.

I do not have any pictures of alternative, appropriate outfits because that would mean I would just be posting pictures of my backside in jeans with nothing imprinted on them or of me just in a pair of jeans that doesn't have any fabric missing. It's that simple. I decided to spare you.

Instead...a tribute to the cast of MTV's Jersey Shore House!

G J A

It's Not Always a Day at the Beach::Fashion Faux Pas on the Jersey Shore, Part I

While our family vacation itself was great, it's not always a "day at the beach" with beachwear fashion. All week long, I had my eye out for fashion offenders. Unfortunately (or fortunately for the purposes of this post), the infamous Seaside Boardwalk is a breeding ground for faux pas. Through a series of posts, I'm going to show you three distinctly common Jersey Shore fashion flops - then I'll show you what they should've worn.

1. Vintage Boardwalk Disaster

What went wrong?
                   The entire outfit is a miss from head to toe. The ever true mantra that "shoes make an outfit" - yeah, these shoes will ruin any outfit. The short boot is back in style, however, the shape and style of the come back trend is much more sleek and modern and less combat boot.

                  Also, summer is the wrong season and the boardwalk is the wrong scene to be wearing a black, lace-up, closed toe ankle boot. If you want to rock the boot, try it with a pair of skinny jeans...in the fall...or winter.
                  As for the outfit itself, it is clear to see that her shorts don't flatter her figure. They are too tight around the toosh. The shirt and vest look like they are straight out of a 1990's bar in Texas. The fringe on the vest and worn leather should only be on a saddle bag of a motorcycle. Usually a floral pattern that repeats a series of small flowers dates a garment. And black on the boardwalk in July?

Here's what should have been worn...

Why this outfit works:
                 My roman style sandals are definitely summer boardwalk appropriate. They are really comfy (after breaking them in and one bad blister...) and are a neutral color that grounds my outfit and can be worn with most colors.
                 My shorts have a wide band bottom cuff which help to create a nice shape that is figure flattering.
                 The "western" style collared shirt is lightweight enough to wear on a warm day, but also kept me warm from the breeze off of the ocean. It is a perfect updated way to wear the 3/4 length sleeve shirt like our masquerade mishap from above.
                 Finally, the colors of my outfit are definitely seasonally appropriate. Purples and greens are the most flattering colors on me, so this shirt is something I wear a lot...a lot.
                 I'm obsessed with that bag! I use it every day and take it everywhere. I love the neutral color and its size. Its over the shoulder ability makes it unobtrusive and easy to carry.

Here's a closer look at some essential pieces of my outfit AND a view of Lake Michigan near my new apartment!

Outfit Details
Sunglasses:: ?
Sandals:: H&M
Collared Shirt:: Forever 21
Shorts:: NY & Co
Satchel:: H&M

Stay tuned for Part 2!

G J A